Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Shame is for Republicans.
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