Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
