Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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