note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I need a beard to bite.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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