your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
