He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
