I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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