I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
