I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
