He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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