Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
