i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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