After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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