So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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