News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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