Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
