He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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