Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
