I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
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we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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