I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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