is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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