im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
