you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize