alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize