I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
