I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
