The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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