I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
