So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
