Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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