I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
