Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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