So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
