dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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