I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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