My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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