on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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