i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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