Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
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Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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