my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize