I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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