Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
