Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
