Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
