I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize