I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
