It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
