nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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