I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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