then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
