Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
