forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
