Old men and throwing up are my life now.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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