I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
