We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i think i just lost a toe
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
