Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
