Where did you get a picture of my penis
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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