proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I want her autograph on my taint
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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