You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
