you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
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I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize