I hate all girls vehemently.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
