I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
