i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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