I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
