called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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