i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
