i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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