I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
