Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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