I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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