I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
