she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
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I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have aggressive nipples.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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