Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
