My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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