I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
