Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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