My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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