so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
