You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
