Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
ttyl tear gas
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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