Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
