This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
