ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
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If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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